There are six things the Lord hates,
seven that are detestable to him:
a lying tongue,
hands that shed innocent blood,
a heart that devises wicked schemes,
feet that are quick to rush into evil,
a false witness who pours out lies
and a person who stirs up conflict in the community.
– Proverbs 6:16-19
I have many more to add:
Tailgaters. (Not the sports-related ones.) I like to slow down for them, tap the breaks a little.
People that park too close, or park over 2 spots. Well, Suzy Soccer-Mom, perhaps the Yukon Denali wasn’t the most practical idea for you and little Timmy.
People that don’t return shopping carts to their corral. Lazy ass.
Politicians. How do you keep track of what you told which person? Tiring.
People that misuse/misrepresent scripture. Did you know Jesus died for me? Me. Not so much you, but me.
Crowded places. Lines. Breath mint? Bar of soap?
Automated phone systems. “Press “1” if you would like to punch me in the face.”
Walmart. Still go there and hate myself for it.
Curse words from a ladies mouth. So disappointing. Guess I’m old fashioned. I prefer my ladies, well, lady-like.
Curse words from a child’s mouth. So disappointing. Guess I’m old fashioned. I prefer my kids, well, respectful.
Sagging pants. Ya, holding your pants up with your hand while walking like a penguin is straight gangsta son.
Cell phones in restaurants. Man, shut your hole.
Kids with iPad/iPhone/iPod/GameBoy/DS/electronic-of-the-month at a restaurant. If you discipline your kids correctly, or at all, they will sit down quietly long enough for you all to have a decent family meal TOGETHER. You never know, they might actually contribute to the conversation.
Gas pumps that don’t give out receipts. Well, kind of defeats the purpose of paying at the pump.
Toilette paper set-up for the underhand pull. I will reverse your TP if I see it.
Littering. It should be legal to punch someone in the face if they litter. One clean shot, but only to eye/nose/mouth region.
Vandalism. See note on Littering.
Dropped calls. Nothing screams “tool” like the moment you realize you’ve been having a conversation with dead air for 5 minutes. Then you spend the next ten minutes trying to circumnavigate each other’s voicemail to reconnect. There should be a universal dropped call button on every cell phone.
Repeating myself. Repeatedly. Does anyone listen to me? Is this thing on?
Missing movie previews. I won’t go see a movie if I think we’ll miss the previews. Won’t do it. Ask my wife. Part of the whole experience man.
Taunting or excessive celebrating in professional sports. See note on Littering. Grow up.
Fighting/poor sportsmanship in college sports. Immediate ejection. Automatic suspension for half the season. Zero tolerance. Grow up.
Justin Bieber. See note on Littering. Beliebe that.
Bill Maher. What a little, little man. So desperately in love with himself. His story doesn’t end well.
Conspiracy theorists. Everything deserves a second look, but c’mon. Sometimes the government is not involved. Sometimes. Or are they?
People that don’t remove their hat during the national anthem. It’s really a small thing to ask. If you can’t or won’t do it, see note on Littering.
People that don’t say ‘thank you’ when you hold the door for them. I always say ‘you’re welcome’ even if they don’t say ‘thank you’.
People that don’t hold doors for others. Rude.
People that get on elevators before others have a chance to get off. Rude and self-centered.
Over zealous parents at little league games. Reality: your child has a very slim chance of playing organized sports beyond their high school years. So congratulations on turning little 7-year old Johnny into an uber-aggressive, fist-pumping d-bag before he’s sprouted a single pube. Lighten up.
ATM fees for withdrawing money. So I have to pay money to get my money? That’s a pretty good racket. I won’t pay them. I’ll spend more in gas money driving around to find my bank before I’ll pay your stupid fee.
Dropping my cell phone in between the seat and center console of my car. Why does this location exist inside of a car? How has this riddle not been solved? How many pretzels, Skittles, straw wrappers, pens and coins must I lose before someone figures it out? I’d buy that car tomorrow.
I don’t know about you, but I feel MUCH better. Sometimes I just need to let it out. There’s a million more I could have shared, especially in the celebrity category, but I need to learn to let it go.
Sometimes I can live an angry little existence. My hope is, by venting, I’ll stop fixating on these things for a bit and start loving people in spite of their shortcomings. Lord knows I have my own. Although none come to mind.
Life’s too short to sweat all this small stuff and be so negative.
Negative people. That’s another one. Maybe a touch of hypocrisy there.
Thanks for including Bill (Monica Lewinsky) Maher on the list! Looking forward now to the “Love” list!